The Football Countdown
Score 18 goals in 2 minutes
and I don’t have to do it.
Don’t have to tell the truth.
First shot- keeper saves it.
2nd . . .3rd . . .4th . . . . .
all in !
This will be easy !
I’m in the safest place in the world,
My room
With my lovely computer,
my magnificent PS2
And the photos of
Me.
It’s warm
With the radiators blasting on and
the sun out, squashing its way through,
Blinding me.
The beckoning voice of the commentator screams
“and here is,
Jimmy Bullard racing down the wing,
Crosses it to Clint Dempsey
and in !"
This is easy, too easy.
Dad, pretending that nothing has happened
Calls up from the bottom of the stairs
“Hey, the football’s on in a minute.”
I am feeling
Frightened of what I’ve done, frightened to even see them.
What have I done ? I can’t go down, what would they do ?
It was fun at first
but now it’s a nightmare.
The commentator screams –
I have just missed a sitter
But
Johnson !
Yes, round the keeper
Just got to pass the ball into the goal . . . . .
Yes ! 18 !
One and One
OK, first throw,
What am I going to start with ?
All I need is Snake-Eyes, a one and a one.
And I won’t tell.
A one, excellent.
My second dice rolls across the empty floor :
A six, No!
My stomach turning, I feel sick,
I don’t want to let everyone down.
I’m in a safe corner of my room
Cuddling my teddy
The reassuring gurgle of my radiator
Fills my ears.
Right, here I go again
Come on, we can do it !
I feel shaken up.
The dice rolls again . . . .
A four –
This is useless !
A five.
Let’s try again.
A gentle voice breaks into my silent world
“Your programme’s on now”
Like nothing has happened.
Shame swells in my body, ashamed to tell them
I don’t know what to do.
I should have given it back, the money wasn’t mine to spend.
Now I’m stuck here and
I don’t know what to do.
Outside,
A child noisily screams
While a shouting gang chases him up the road.
The sun tip-toeing in.
Frightened to tell anyone.
Frightened ?
No.
Petrified ?
Yes !
Why did I do it ?
Let me try it once more
This is my last chance,
I’ll roll the dice in my left hand :
A one.
Come on, one more one –
This is my very last chance.
I can’t watch.
It’s a two !!
I can’t believe it . .
A flood of tears fills my eyes.
I’m drowning with despair.
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